What are these little red bugs all over my apartment?

Search: red bugs

Why: They're everywhere and I hate them. If you squish them, they leave a red smear. They look like they might be arachnids, but they are really too small to examine properly. Uch, disgusting.

Answer: Red mites / red velvet mites / spider mites / scrub mites / so gross.

Source: Google Images

The More You Know: Wikipedia says that chiggers (those things that bite you at summer camp if you wear elastic) are red mites in their larval stage. Chicago Wilderness Mag says red mites keep their mouthparts off of humans. Whatever, just kill them.